


Random ficlets / drabbles

by mirawohoo (metawohoo)



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Crack
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-10
Updated: 2017-09-10
Packaged: 2018-12-26 01:17:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12048297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/metawohoo/pseuds/mirawohoo
Summary: Short pieces/headcanony stuff that I posted on Tumblr.





	1. On the Akumatization of Marinette Dupain-Cheng

I want an episode where Gabriel tries to Akumatize Marinette.

As in: “on purpose”. He did it to Nino, he did it to Simon, he did it to Santa, he can do it to  _anyone_.

And so Gabriel meets Marinette, this passionate kid who really loves fashion, pastel pink, and banana-haired young models, as she is visiting Adrien, and he decides to ruin her day, because it should be about as easy as stealing  ~~jewelry from teenagers~~  candy from a baby.

Gabriel has mastered ‘unpleasant jerk’, practically has a PHD in it. It’s second nature. When you look up 'ass’ in the dictionary, you find his picture next to a stock photo of a donkey. So he tunes it up to 'extreme ass’, aka ‘his normal’, and destroys Marinette’s hopes and dreams by, I don’t know, telling her she has no future in fashion except maybe as a costume designer for underfunded live action superhero shows.

She is  _devastated_.

And so he  ~~dashes~~  stiffly walks until he is out of sight,  _then_ dashes to his secret lair, because he’s on a tight schedule and all, and he has to make sure to be out as Gabriel Agreste five minutes later so Supervillain Miss Dupain-Cheng can come after him (he’ll make sure not to make her too powerful, unlike Simon, because he won’t let things get out of control  _again_ ).

He transforms into Hawk Moth, takes a deep breath, focuses on Marinette to sense the dark vibes from her and… nothing. Just nothing. She has recovered from the devastation, she is focused and driven and motivated. It’s almost like she was comforted by someone in the span of four minutes and twenty-seven seconds, as if she was transporting some external voice of reason in her Kwami-sized purse like he is transporting Nooroo under his ugly white jacket.

He finds himself standing there, in his lair, with a butterfly on his hand, like an idiot, and nearly Akumatizes himself by accident out of irritation.

He transforms back into Gabriel,  ~~runs~~  stiffly walks back to Marinette, figuring he might as well try again, except this time he will be mean instead of just being himself. But she has steeled herself. With a stubbornness that would be familiar if he developed self-awareness, too, so he has to crank the “mean” up to “literally Satan”. And it works. Somewhat. He eventually gets her lower lip to quiver, though she looks more thoroughly pissed than hurt.

That works for him. Angry is still Akumatizable.

He stomps out of the room  _again_ and races back to his evil lair  _again_ , and transforms  _again_ , and prepares a butterfly  _again_ and focuses on Marinette  _again_ , and… nothing.

 _Again_.

He transforms back, storms downstairs and finds Adrien comforting Marinette.

Gabriel nearly has a Hawk-Moth-Post-Defeat meltdown. He only catches himself because there are witnesses and there’s only a few horrors he would not stoop to, but one of them is ‘looking undignified in public’.

Still.

This. Won’t. Stand.

He decides to use the Ninuclear option. It has been proven to be effective.

“I think Miss Dupain-Cheng has overstayed her welcome,” he announces. “Permanently. Nathalie, please escort our guest to the door. Miss Dupain-Cheng, you are not to visit again. I will not allow a talentless upstart to use my son for her own benefit.”

He sends Adrien, who is yelling in protest, to his room.

Nathalie leads a fuming Miss Dupain-Cheng out.

Gabriel runs (actually runs) back to his evil lair, because  _this should have done the trick and how it is possible for mere teenagers to give me as much trouble? It’s bad enough that Adrien spends his life trying to escape the house and that the heroes won’t just give up and surrender their Miraculous, they are just children, they should have broken by now. 'They’ the heroes, not 'they’ Adrien._

Up to that point, at least the classmates had been cooperative, and he won’t let a young g… a  _second_ young girl stand in his way.

He mentally slams the door as he enters his lair (sliding trapdoors in the floor aren’t engineered to be slammed) and transforms for hopefully the last time.

He breathes in. He focuses on the negative emotions in the area, trying to locate Marinette, who can’t have gone far. And… nothing. Well, Adrien is miserable, but Marinette? She’s just fine. Determined, motivated, irritated, but  _fine_.

Gabriel just flips out. This is the fastest he has ever been defeated, including that one time he accidentally Akumatized a tree.

Nathalie finds him curled up in his office two hours later, nursing his nervous breakdown with a bottle of 1978 Chardonnay.

Ten minutes later, a puzzled Adrien comes to ask her what a 'hostile takeover’ is, because Marinette is rambling about a forty-seven steps plan to attempt one on their class’ group chat.


	2. On being supervillainous parents

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was written because I had an urge to write Mrs Agreste as a villain and my friends would not _stop me_.

**Part 1**

No but imagine. Mrs Agreste  _is_  the Peacock, and  _is_  a supervillain (hence Fu’s mention of having made one mistake).

And she comes back. And she teams up with Gabriel/Hawk Moth, because what’s marriage without the odd grab for world domination?

They put their plans into action, Gabriel leaves her to her own devices to attend real life while an Akuma is out… and Nathalie informs him that Adrien somehow escaped his bodyguard again. And Gabriel  _blanches._

Cue a race back to the attic.

“Darling. Dear. Light of my life. Sweetheart. I might have forgotten to mention something.”

And Paon turns to him, blinking in confusion.

“What do you mean?”

“You might want to abstain from killing Chat Noir.”

She frowns and waits for an explanation, but Gabriel is in no hurry to admit his failures as a parent to his wife, since she manages to be both a perfect mom and a fantastic supervillain, without the slightest difficulty. He’s in enough trouble already with the whole ‘horrendous family portrait in the master staircase, did you give our son depression, Gabriel, for god’s sake’.

So he just clears his throat and she gets impatient.

“Gabriel, get to the point.”

“That’s Adrien.”

The revelation is met with icy silence.

“Chat Noir. It’s Adrien,” Gabriel repeats, acutely aware that his wife is ‘overly sensitive’ and all. “The girl is still fair game, of course.”

“Gabriel, I can’t kill our son’s girlfriend. He would never forgive us.”

“We were not planning to get caught, were we?”

_“That’s not the point!”_

 

* * *

 

 

## Part 2

To follow up on that previous scene: Paon and Hawk Moth get thoroughly defeated (which isn’t surprising from Gabriel but a lot more from his wife. Then again, Mrs. Agreste is not used to battles where she can’t go full Dalek and simply exterminate the enemy).

Half an hour after the battle is over, Adrien hears a knock on his bedroom door followed by a “Sweetie, can I come in?” . He is shocked and overjoyed, because at that point, he is no longer used to:

\- Having a mother  
\- Having a parent who understands the concept of privacy.

He invites his mother in. She finds him at the computer, watching footage of the supervillain attack of the day on the Ladyblog. Adrien was studying it to figure out why that new supervillain and Hawk Moth suddenly lost focus. He can’t guess they were having a pretty serious argument about parenting and divorce.

Mrs Agreste sees the video of Ladybug on the three (gigantic) screens and plasters a warm smile on her face.

“Interested in superheroes?” she asks, slipping behind his back and putting her hands on his shoulders.

“Yes! Mom, you have been gone for so long… Did anyone tell you about Ladybug?”

Mrs Agreste came in to try to assess just how inconvenient it would be to murder the girl. It all hinged on Adrien’s attachment to her and how much he would miss his partner. The fact that the only hero he thinks of introducing - when he should be attempting to get his mom’s opinion on Chat Noir - tells her everything she needs to know.

They can’t kill the girl.

She starts patting Adrien’s hair, still smiling, but her internal monologue is roughly “Godamnit-that-is-not-going-to-work-Gabriel-how-could-you-let-that-happen-couldn’t-you-parent-the-boy-I-am-so-divorcing-you.”

“I’ve heard a little,” she replies.

“Mom, she is so amazing!” Adrien exclaims. And he starts a ten minutes tirade on how perfect and brave and smart and pretty Ladybug is. Meanwhile, his mother keeps patting his head to the point he is probably getting calluses under that silky banana hair of his.

“You seem to like her a lot,” Mrs Agreste comments.

Adrien blushes, scratches the back of his head, smiles nervously and avoid his mother’s eyes.

“I, ah, uh…”

Meanwhile, Mrs Agreste’s internal monologue is a high-pitched, uninterrupted shriek. Their whole evil plan is compromised. By their son. This is a disaster.

To put the final nail in the coffin, on the screen, you have Chat Noir talking to his enemy of the day, saying some self-sacrificing romantic drivel such as “I would go to the end of the world for my Lady, I’d do anything, just try and stop me”.

Mrs Agreste keeps patting Adrien’s head.

“Sometimes, I wish you were a little less like your dad,” she murmurs, lost in thought.

Which of course is the most confusing sentence Adrien has heard in his entire life.

“Mom, I’m nothing like dad…”

And she just pats his head some more with a fond but tired sigh.

 

* * *

 

 

## Part 3

“This needn’t be the end of the world,” Mrs Agreste tells Gabriel as she paces in their evil attic lair as if it were the end of the world. “We are fairly competent supervillains. I am sure there is a way to get Ladybug’s Miraculous without charring the earth. She is a fifteen year old girl. How hard can it be?”

Gabriel, Nooroo and the Peacock Kwami watch her pace. Nooroo is in a state of utter depression and doesn’t comment. The Peacock Kwami is concerned and flutters around. Gabriel, well… if he didn’t love his wife quite as much, he would strangle her. ‘How hard can it be?’.

Mrs Agreste picks up on the look on his face, or rather the total absence of a look, seeing how he keeps his expression as neutral as humanly possible.

“I’m sorry, Gabriel. I didn’t mean to imply you hadn't… weren't…” She realizes she is digging her own grave. “We need a subtler strategy. Direct attacks won’t work.”

“I was certain my first attempt would be sufficient to guilt her into surrendering the Miraculous to protect the city,” he replies with a sigh. “And it nearly did. Volpina came close to tricking her, too, both by threatening civilians  _and_ Adrien. Ladybug saw through the first trick through pure luck, and Adrien was quick to dispel the second. Now, I don’t think the strategy will be quite as effective if we try it again.”

Mrs Agreste sighs too.

“And there is growing evidence that Adrien would stop at nothing to save her.” Her voice turns to a mumbling whisper as she longingly looks at Gabriel. “I wonder who he got that from.”

Gabriel clears his throat and looks a little flustered at that.

They spend the rest of the afternoon reviewing footage of Akuma battles in Gabriel’s office, with Nathalie bringing them regular refills of popcorn. Nathalie has no idea how close she comes to being fired ('Was she even  _trying_ to watch over our son?’), but the supervillainous parents end up agreeing that Nathalie does love Adrien in her own inexpressive way.

After nine hours of that, Mrs Agreste bolts upright and yells an overjoyed “It’s unrequited!”.  
“I’m sorry?” Gabriel asks.  
“It’s unrequited,” she repeats, pointing at Ladybug on the screen. “She is not interested in Chat Noir. It means we can divide and confuse.”  
“Conquer. And I daresay she is quite interested in Adrien Agreste.”  
“Confuse. Her fancying Adrien is irrelevant. As things are now, the secret identity issue stands between them. He is only fifteen. As sweet as they are, his feelings for Ladybug are bound to fade. Getting him to move on should be easy enough, provided he finds some cute, nice,  _attainable_ young girl. Then, it will be easy enough to use that girl as a distraction so he leaves Ladybug unprotected long enough for us to capture her. We can even wrap this up without harming anyone!”  
“I’ll have you know some boys find the love of their life at fifteen and never 'move on’,” Gabriel comments with a pointed look.  
“Oh really? Do you remember your crush on Rose Stellar? Because I remember your crush on Rose Stellar.”  
“Come on, that does not count. She had a stripes theme going!”

For what it’s worth, they both want Adrien to be safe. One of them even wants Adrien to be happy. So Mrs Agreste spends the next few days mulling about how dangerous it is to have a superheroine girlfriend (she should know, she endangered quite a few superheroine’s boyfriends in her time). Nice, normal girls are vastly preferable. She pays close attention to Adrien’s friends, and then a miracle happens: a cute, blushing young girl rings the doorbell, carrying a present for Adrien’s birthday.

She is  _adorable_.  
She has freckles.  
She does a cute butt wiggling thing.  
She obviously loves Adrien very much.

Mrs Agreste runs to the gates, invites her in, smother her with compliments and encouragement, is delighted to discover she won one of Gabriel’s design competitions (because getting Gabriel to like someone, let alone to agree that she is suitable dating material for his precious heir, is never an easy task). That Marinette girl is PERFECT. So Mrs Agreste does everything in her power to get Adrien to date Marinette.

 

* * *

 

 

## Part 4

Mrs Agreste takes a step away from the whiteboard covered in diagrams, post-its and annotations she and Gabriel just completed.

“I believe we have a plan!” she says, smiling.

“I still have reservations,” Gabriel answers, frowning. “Too many variables at play. Too many players. And I definitely do not like  _this_ part,” he adds, pointing at one branch of the diagram.  
“The reward makes it worth the risk, doesn’t it?”  
“It could go horribly wrong.”  
“You will be in full control.”  
“I no longer trust that line of thinking.”  
“It will be fine, Gabriel.”

A few days later, they put the plan into motion. They had to wait a few days: the plan requires a very specific kind of villain with a grudge against a specific girl. The opportunity comes up when Marinette wins one of Gabriel’s fashion contests, crushing the dreams of several aspiring designers in the process. What can I say? Fashion is cutthroat.

Now. Onto the plan.

Step one involves ‘keeping Chat Noir away from Ladybug’, which Mrs Agreste intends to accomplish by using her motherly wiles and making good use of the fact that her son has theoretically hit puberty.

“Congratulation, Marinette!” she exclaims, grabbing the girl by the shoulders with one arm, and grabbing Adrien by the shoulders with the other arm. “You deserved it!”

Marinette is stuck in a strange scratched disk mode, induced by being a professional young designer who can talk to the industry leaders with perfect confidence, but also being an inch away from her crush.

“T-t-t-t-thank you, Mrs Agreste! I am so happy Mister Agreste would think my work is worthy of his attention.”  
“Of course your work is worthy of his attention! And I’ll let you know I voted for your entry,” Mrs Agreste announces, loudly enough for every single one of the contest losers to hear her. She turns to Adrien. “Adrien, sweetheart, why don’t you go celebrate with Marinette?” - Wink, wink, nudge, nudge. - “Here is my Visa and my Mastercard and my wallet, have fun, alright?”

And she basically shoves them out of the building. Gabriel joins her and they watch the deadly embarrassed kids walk away.

“They are soooooo adorable,” Mrs Agreste coos.  
“Quite. Now if only she could talk to him.”  
“Don’t be a jackass,” his wife replies, with a soft smack on the chest and a smile. “Now, let’s hurry. We’re on a schedule.”

Not five minutes later, Clara Veulalune, aspiring designer, is turned into Fashion Disaster. She lost Gabriel’s contest and she’s not happy about that. It’s totally UNFAIR and her entry was the BEST and that Dupain-Chang girl CHEATED and Fashion Disaster won’t rest until everyone responsible admits it.

She sets out to kidnap Marinette.

That was step two of the evil plan, and that is  - obviously - where it derails.

The general idea was to keep Adrien busy protecting his future-girlfriend-if-his-mom-had-her-way, so Ladybug would have to handle the Akuma on her own while rescuing… we’ll get to that. The idea was to keep Adrien busy protecting Marinette, except Marinette quickly realizes an Akuma appeared. She shoves Adrien into a closet and blocks him inside it, then runs off 'to find a hiding place for herself’.

Two minutes later, Ladybug confronts Fashion Disaster (who, for some reason, can’t find her primary target and is understandably mad about it). That would be when Mrs Agreste 'carelessly wanders’ to their location, this while on the phone with Hawk Moth who is giving her detailed directions.

Fashion Disaster, who couldn’t get her hands on that 'cheating Dupain-Cheng girl’, decides a 'biased judge’ will make just as good a target (that is actually the only part of the evil plan that goes as expected). She grabs Mrs Agreste to drag her to a secluded location, since Hawk Moth just suggested it and it sounds like a decent idea.

Mrs Agreste is quite happy: now she only has to wait for Ladybug to attempt a rescue, namely by running to that 'secluded location’ where Paon and Hawk Moth will be waiting for her.

What could go wrong?

What goes wrong is that Chat Noir, about five minutes before, managed to break out of the closet by Cataclysming the door. He tried to find Marinette, to no avail, until his transformation reverted.

So, right as Mrs Agreste is thinking 'what could go wrong?’, Adrien runs out of the building, trying to get to a corner store to buy some cheese. It makes Fashion Disaster very happy. She now has two hostages: the 'biased judge’ who happens to be married to that overrated hack Gabriel Agreste, and Gabriel’s son!

Gabriel was so very right when he said that there were 'too many variables at play’.

So, instead of ambushing Ladybug with her husband, Mrs Agreste finds herself sitting in a locked room with her son, waiting for a rescue. She cannot transform without revealing herself. Adrien cannot transform without revealing himself and doesn’t have Camembert anyway. Hawk Moth can’t just show up, can he?

Fashion Disaster is quickly defeated. Ladybug, terribly worried for her crush and her crush’s mom, rescues them both. Then she spends ten minutes gushing over Adrien. 'You look so fine. I mean you look fine. I’m glad’, and variations thereof. Adrien is so happy and starry-eyed. He takes the opportunity to introduce Ladybug to his mother and everything.

Meanwhile, Mrs Agreste is fuming. If it was physically possible, smoke would come out of her ears. As they say in French, 'la moutarde lui monte au nez’.

She gets to spend five minutes alone with Ladybug to thank her. As soon as Adrien stops looking, her Kind Mom Smile™ morphs into a shark grib. And she puts her hands on Ladybug’s shoulders and whispers through that smile:

“Listen to me, you reckless little do-gooder. You are going to stay away from my son or, God be my witness, I will destroy you and everything you hold dear. He has a perfectly fine, nice, lovely, _non-dangerous_  girl in his life and if you ruin his chances with her, I will make short work of you.”

Her smile turns kind and warm again.

“It was so nice meeting you, Ladybug!” she says, letting Ladybug go.

For the next few months, Adrien can’t figure out why Marinette is terrified of his mom.

 


	3. On being saved from oneself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Attention all,[this](https://metawohoo.tumblr.com/post/136620003899/ainefelai-i-need-a-fanfiction-where) was written as an answer to one of Ainefelai's amazing comics.**
> 
> **You need to read[the amazing comic](http://ainefelai.tumblr.com/post/136561138936/i-need-a-fanfiction-where-this-happens).**
> 
> And then you can proceed :)
> 
> * * *

One hour went by. Two hours went by. As far as Gabriel was concerned, enough time went by for a few economies to collapse, three universes to form, seven stars to die, and for someone to find a vacant parking spot in Paris.

Belle was twitching.

“Remind me why we don’t just transform and kill her?” she asked.

“Because I intend to still have a life once all of this is over, preferably one where I get to keep the family fortune.”

“Isn’t that what ‘lawyers’ are for?”

“Remember what we did to my lawyer two weeks ago?”

“Oh. Right.”

Ladybug, who had her back turned to them, was still keeping watch. She was (unsurprisingly) starting to question whatever clues had led her to believe Hawk Moth was on his way. She looked bored, listless, and incompetent.

“Are you sure it’s not a cosplaying corporate spy?” Belle wondered. “That can’t be the hero who foiled our plans for five years.”

Gabriel nearly groaned.

“It’s her”, he whispered back.

Cosplayers could take their craft to a professional level and beyond, but none of them had access to armored quantic fabric.

Belle made a face.

“I thought she’d be taller.”

He sighed, pushing the Kwami back into the drawer she usually hid in. He grabbed his sketchbook, figuring that, since his afternoon plans were ruined, he could as well work.

He had been drawing for five minutes when he noticed that Ladybug had stopped moving. He looked up. She was gaping at his sketches, drooling a little, with stars in her eyes. She was wiggling her legs in a way more befitting of a toddler in need of a trip to the bathroom.

“Do you mind if I take a look?” she squeaked.

She  _sounded_ like a toddler.

“You’re interested in fashion?” he asked, lifting an eyebrow.

Not that he needed an answer. It was blatant enough. She tiptoed to him, barely containing herself.

“Well, I have been following your work since I was ten or so, starting with the line of dresses you made for Jagged Stone’s wife and…”

He tuned her out while she listed his accomplishments of the decade, and then some. She walked closer as she spoke, sitting on the corner of his desk, fidgeting in a very familiar way. His son happened to have a close friend who was both an aspiring designer, a notorious wreck in front of her idols, and a steel-willed dark haired girl: Marinette Dupain-Cheng. He had even met her: she kept winning his company’s contests.

“Are you a designer yourself?” he said, leaning closer.

This was going to be interesting.


End file.
